


Please Help

by Sugar_n_spice



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, mentioned self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-02
Updated: 2018-11-02
Packaged: 2019-08-14 12:53:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16492997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sugar_n_spice/pseuds/Sugar_n_spice
Summary: Don gets stuck in his own head.





	Please Help

My name is Hamato Donatello. I am a genius. And that’s not pride speaking, it’s fact. My job is multi-faceted. I keep my family healthy and patched up, I fix the appliances and vehicles, I design and maintain our security network, as well as trying to scrape out time for my inventions. 

My family loves me. I know this. They rarely say so in words, but I see it. It’s evident in Leo’s gentle pestering that I go to bed, then bringing me a blanket when I finally succumb to sleep at my desk. Raph shows it by always having my back in a fight, and through his tough love in the dojo: challenging me to be the best I can. Mikey’s show of love is quintessentially him: food and coffee. My father is always supportive and encouraging. 

So why do I feel so alone? I get trapped in my head sometimes. Even surrounded by my family I feel a million miles removed. My brain won’t shut up long enough for me to rest. Sometimes it is working overtime to the point that everything else forgets what to do: my heart races, and in order to breathe I feel as though I have to wrestle a stone off my chest. Sometimes it’s so difficult that I start to shut down. My family notices, but they misread it. “Oh, Donnie’s had an idea!” “Look, he must be cooking up a new invention.” 

Why can’t I just explain? I could, you know. To father or Leo. Tell them about the racing thoughts that won’t land long enough to take root. I could explain the heart beat that thuds against my shell so insistently that it feels as though it might fly out at any second. I should mention to them the moments where I’m so overwhelmed and feel such a need to have only one thought that I put an iron to my hand, allowing pain to guide my mind to focus. It never draws attention because I burn myself so often on projects. 

But I can’t. Because to them, I seem so calm and laid back. It would shake their reality to learn that not all is as right as it seems. I can hear the scoldings now: “Donatello, you should have told us when this started.” “Why would you not let us help you?” There lies the problem: I don’t know when it started. It snuck up a little at a time until all of a sudden it was so huge that I couldn’t help but notice it. Why don’t they? That’s what I want. Just one of them to see that I’m not as alright as I seem. I can’t ask them to see. The thought is too overwhelming. But I need them to know. 

Please. Please help me before I do something stupid. I need someone to truly see me.


End file.
